Friendships or just friends come in many shapes and forms. One thing is that the circle of true friends dwindles as one grows older. That’s not to say that we don’t have friends in our lives when we reach middle age or older its just the type of friendships change.
When we first start going to school most of us have a huge friend pool to choose from and the number of mates seems countless but its only until we leave that we know the true meaning of best mate, friend or pal.
Some will move away, others will go to college, a few may be lucky to find employment and many will develop differing interests that will drift you apart. Whatever the reason is there will certainly be a drop in the size of one’s circle of friends.
Don’t be worried its just life’s way of sorting out stuff and one will find new people to hang around with or build interests alongside. However, its my experience and the stories of others that say that its one”s early companions that make for the strongest relationships. It makes perfect sense really as it those who know you best, have the more stories to tell and share and, as time goes on, have the most in common with you.
It was only just recently that this became blatantly obvious to me.
My oldest, best mate, Bladesey, hosted yet again a birthday celebration at his home. My other two old friends of more than thirty years also joined us. We all have stresses with work, money, life and all that crap but when we are together for a brief window of time we relax and everything else just ceases to exist. Of course beer, good food and a change in scenery helps but its the fact that we know each other so well and feel so at ease in our company that we can indulge in mindless rubbish such as fun, teasing, reminisce and chat or debate on an endless theme of topics. Each and everyone of us learns something new and at times another facet of ourselves. That has to be good; it has to!
For a while time stands still, life appears rosey and no hurdle is insurmountable. Okay we have to go back to our own lives and homes after a day or so and its fine as our own lives make who we are and its safe and comfortable to be back in one’s own familiar surroundings of home and bed.
The older we get the more we come to understand people. We may think we have loads of mates but are they really? Acquaintances, yes, but true friends? I doubt it. When life is just rolling along and we meet up in the pub, or for a weekly bike ride or that afternoon session of tea it all seems quaintly nice and friends are there. Work colleagues are chatty and supportive to their own needs and we have to get along professionally; but are they friend? Some maybe but most, naa.
Just wait til something serious happens and see how many visit the hospital ward, or come over to help around the home. Watch the hordes that never even send a card or word of support. Count the numbers who help. One or two if you are lucky. These are friends; the ones who can be relied on; the people who are just there, not necessarily to say or do anything, but they are silently offering support and comfort and are there.
On the other hand it doesn’t have to be something serious. How many buddies could you honestly ask, and feel comfortable with, to go on holiday with or attend a festival together? Its not that easy is it? You may ask but will those invited want to spend intimate time with you? This is another example of getting to know acquaintances from truly good mates.
You probably think you love some more than your family,if being brutally honest, but when push comes to shove family will often be the last ones standing. So think again.
Its very sad that all friendships, and family come to think about it, need nurturing. Some more than others and deep rooted feelings will often stand the test of time but one thing is for sure they can be easily damaged or can fizzle out unless worked on. They can also come crumbling to a messy halt if one abuses their trust or help or confidence in you.
I’ve seen a few over the years through a number of reasons that have slipped into a friendless and lonely life often resorting to living on the streets. At first the hand of support and help is offered but through self abuse, ill health, a mindset to self destruct, drug dependency or a combination of problems that hand is withdrawn and one is left alone with nowhere to turn to and becoming a victim of society. Which can be very cruel.
We are not very good at traumatic help here in The UK (and I guess its similar or worse throughout the world) and it is amazing how quickly one can find themselves without a safety net.
A happily married couple with children, a nice house, comfortable jobs and all the trappings of what should be a happy life with friends abound can be scuppered by the wrong life choices.
One tiny thing can bring that all tumbling down. An innocent bet on the National could lead to a gambling addiction so bad it ruins family and friendships to the core for say the man. He then gets kicked out of the home, his debts mount he then can’t afford the bedsit and ultimately is sacked from work. With no one to turn to and help being refused or squandered he becomes a victim of the street. His health deteriorates rapidly and by middle age dies sad, angry and full of regret. The same scenario can be played out for drugs, alcohol, having an affair, fraud, crime or depression.
Often the health service can’t offer quick enough or comprehensive help and some just fall through the gaps. We have no or little contact with neighbours and the community support is nonexistent. Families are spread over many counties and friends live miles away. Everything is okay til something bad happens. Then bang and the spiral of downward doom begins. We can’t force all we hold dear to live close by but making an effort, whether it be in person, by telephone, e-mail or the occasional letter, to keep in contact will help bolster the relationship for the good.
That’s why its important for friends to try a catch these problems in the bud and get support and admission that there is a problem.
So what I am saying is is this. As one trundles through life take a step back every so often and look at what you have. Money in the bank or the bigger house may seem cool but friendship and support are far more important. The former are easily lost and can fail you to the point of destruction where as friendships, true friendships, will remain.
Life isn’t easy but its certainly better with mates and support and fun.
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment if you like as these are only my waffling thoughts and experiences. I in no way want to preach to others about life. I just wanted to share my feelings.
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