A picture can paint a thousand words, or that’s what I am lead  to believe and looking below probably echoes this but behind this calm scene of setting sun and lush field one knows it won’t last forever; except in photographic form.

I’ve been struggling about writing about this next topic for some time and the gadget theme was a pleasing distraction; but a distraction only as this subject is seldom far from my thoughts.

“Depression” “The Black  Dog” “The Blues” “”suicidal Sid” “The Dark Place”

Call it what you will  I am sure that many or most either have been there, are there, know someone there or could go there and possibly the unanimous opinion is that its CRAP!

If you are looking for answers or help just move on now as I for one do not have any cures or quick fixes. I only know how I cope or don’t more to the point. So sorry.

This isn’t about asking for pity or help. Its not even my plan for others to feel guilty for not being able to help or realising a problem exists. It’s just sharing news and views.

I have always wondered if it was only me and have battled over the years to try (often with little or no success) to control my emotions. Where do they come from?

I know one cannot be happy, funny, exciting, mysterious, the leader of the pack or interesting all the time and we all have bad days. Thats just plain normal. But going from happy to soul-crushingly depressed is just unbearable and hard.

The more you fight against it the deeper you find yourself spiralling down into the depths of despair, self loathing, hatred for others and jealous of the green grass in the neighbouring field.

What triggers these black periods? Any  number of things. A snide comment at work by a bully (From I’m not a bully in the work-place), a TV program, a piece of music, a news item, confrontation when out and about, an argument with loved ones, a rejection, a reflection, too much booze or just a simple switch that comes from nowhere. In other words anything, everything or something can cause the dark cloud to descend.

Yes okay “just get over it and man up” is easy to say for those who don’t suffer but for those reading thus far it is far from that simple, I am sure you will agree and its that sort of comment that can set the blue funk even thicker.

I hate it. I loath what impact it has on friends and family. I despise having to put colleagues though my pain. And most of all I abhor the wasted energy and time spent carrying around the unwanted black dog. There is no thing that is good.

How come I’m still here? Well thats an interesting question.

My only answer is Luck or being lucky.

Lucky that I have very considerate friends and family. Lucky that somehow I have been able to find a small glimmer of light that has drawn me out. Lucky that on reflection my problems haven’t been that bad (even though at the time they appeared life-ending). Lucky that my personality is slightly stronger, when it matters most, than my demons.  Lucky that I have a stable routine and have had a loving childhood and education. Lucky that I have had just enough funds to feed, clothe, home and clean myself. Lucky to I was able to admit I have had problems and need a bit of help.

As I said before I don’t have any answers but certain things help. These are just pertinent to me but some may also find them useful.

I find a routine helpful as it builds a stable foundation for living. You don’t have to worry what you are going to do as it’s the same as you always do. Boring yes but comfortable. Planning and list-making (Lucy knows all about lists, well my lists anyway). Research and comparisons can lead to stress-free decision making. Most of all talking to someone, and it often is just that talking TO someone rather than chatting, about what is on your mind.

Taking a hobby. It sounds easy enough and is great to keeping away from the precipice. I for one love reading, history, cycling, television, quizzes, cooking and technology (as testament through my many offerings will show).

But the best place is when I meet up with my true old friends and laugh. Its such a safe place to be. No work, life or bills trouble. Just the comfort of having unconditional love and companionship. The rock of support without actions or words. To be one’s self without reason. I told you I was “lucky”.

As I get older and maybe wiser it should be expected that markers and signs should warn one of  the approaching dangers or depression but they don’t. I say don’t as a sweeping statement and its a bit inaccurate really. I do see them sometimes but it depends how strong and stable I feel in the first placeas to whether I can deal with them. Vuneralabilty is never easy to guard against. One thing I am certain of is it will hit again and hopefully I will have the means to hurdle the situation.

So the tools required to help with depression?

They will differ for everyone but some may be useful to all.

Friends and family. Talking about things. Hobbies and interests. Routine. Calm places to retreat to and reflect in. Seeking help from doctors, vicars, or work colleagues. Sleep (enough sleep but not too much). Exercise and healthy eating. Stopping to notice life and the nice things in nature. Life and the belief (and I mean truly believing the feelings and problems won’t last forever) that you can overcome situations. And the big one. Sort out the little problems (and be honest to yourself that there is a problem) before they escalate into something uncontrollable.

Try not be think you are alone and don’t give up. Its only a state of mind.