When I was younger I couldn’t wait for a holiday whether it be to rush to an airport or ferry terminal to reach a foreign destination, pack camping gear and take to the countryside or jump around at a festival. Sometimes I would need another holiday to recover from the wild time I had just had off.

Now I still yearn for time off but I find an occurring pattern mould my time off.

In my mind I have jobs to do, people and places to visit, interests to follow and enjoy myself. What actually happens is nothing of the above. I have great difficulty in focus. Going away holds little or no interest any more and the hassle of air/ferry ports is just so off-putting. Days out cost too much to justify the expense so I end up vegetating at home.

I also tend to overeat and gain a bit of weight. Yes  I get to relax but then I have a huge wave of guilt and annoyance for wasting my precious days off. It just appears so dumb and easy to avoid but it just happens and is a reality. Is anyone else experiencing these issues.

Now, before anyone jumps up to ask if I am okay or is there anything wrong, I am fine and its not a black hole I have fallen into. It is simply some facts that I have noticed and thought it important to write about so I can come at the facts from a different angle.

I have learnt recently that part of coping with depression is to write emotions down and factors that can cause difficulties. And hey folks it works as it allows one to read as an impartial observer.

So now for the excuses to the problems I have written about.

Days out are seldom enjoyable if one is alone and craves social interaction. There is the fact that I have a dog so can’t go too far afield or stay away overnight. Costs are a poor excuse but still have to be considered.

Holidays away involve many of the problems listed above and also the amount of time being held at customs and the limits of travel permits. Its just so tiring. Seeing foreign destinations online is a hell of a lot cheaper and safer.

Festivals have turned into commercial over-kill events which hold little or no thrill to me now. Having to endure some of these ancient groups shuffle around stages to regurgitate old songs is bad enough but to witness lip sync and struggling brains is just too sad. There just is a lack of soul in the big festivals today but that doesn’t mean that there are brilliant musicians, bands and minor festivals out there but like anything good it needs searching for.

Camping???? My body can’t keep up and survive the cramped and damp conditions unless there is no alternative but one or two days is enough.

As for the jobs and crap things planned for the days at home. I really find it a massive bore so think “nah, I’ll do them tomorrow”; but tomorrow becomes tomorrow and so on. I did do some weeding and shopping so that was more than enough.

I am relaxed and happy so the results and finding of this project are that it actually does not matter what is done with leisure-time so long as one takes it.

I know some will argue and disagree with my thoughts and actions and that is fine.

Ta ra all.

There is hardly a day goes by that doesn’t include something about Green Energy and The Environment and it makes me so angry I have to smile it away and pretend everything is just fine and dandy.

What appears to me to be a genuine and beneficial argument is just being approached in a farcical way.

The Government announced it wants all cars produced after 2040 to be electric. I can cope with that but surely we must take a look at the bigger picture?

Why are All homes not built to a green agenda? Solar panels, air/ground source heating, rainwater collection, descent insulation, heat reflecting glass, LED bulbs and energy saving electrical wiring and sensors and recycled materials (used where and when available) should be a minimum standard when building a new house or extensions or major refits are undertaken.

Households’ and businesses’ recycling should be standardised across the country and higher education of householders to ensure items end up in the correct area.

More towns and cities should be encouraged, through Government grants, to open electrical repair shops so vast numbers of technology is not thrown out just because trends and upgrades makes certain items redundant to some but perfectly serviceable for others.

Greater emphasis on food use and sell by dates should be brought in and unsold produce sent to outreach centres and schools. Wonky and slightly imperfect produce should be used and not ploughed back into the farmers fields.

Water companies to be forced to fix broken pipes to stop the millions of gallons of water running away every day.

Put a jumper on in the winter as a slightly cooler home results in lower energy costs, less bug incubation and deeper sleep. A couple of degrees lower won’t kill you.

Safer cycle routes away from cars and separate from pedestrians might encourage more to use bicycles and feet to get about and the number of accidents would mean fewer ambulance call outs and hospital admittance.

Why not live closer to the job that one has for travel costs in both time and energy would be saved?

All these changes are simple to see and maybe at first expensive to implement but over time the costs will come down, more efficiency  will develop and it will become second nature to future generations and may actually have a positive impact for them.

But no the powers that rule our crumbling world are focusing on the car and its oil based engine. Modern petrol and diesel vehicles are becoming increasingly more economical. Yes the electric car is less polutive but is it. The batteries are resource-rich and costly. Then there is the cost of recharging all these cars. Okay in 20 years time technology may have found a better and more green way of doing things but it still has to come from somewhere and where does one dispose of the car and batteries when worn out?

I doubt I will be around to see the results of the selfish destruction recent revolutions have wreaked over the years but I am saddened that future generations will suffer deeply. These futile baby steps world Governments are making will not be enough in my opinion. Sorry.

More a more media coverage informs us of corruption, crime, moral deviency and harm. Its just not acceptable but a sad part of society.

One would imagine if such behaviour was witnessed by someone and reported to seniors or the legal authorities then it would be acted on  accordingly and the witness praised for their action. It appears not.

The very people who are supposed to help and act in other’s best interests are the ones more and more likely to be involved. Whistleblowers are threatened or the information sat on as it would mean the destruction of power and position of those in question.

Politicians and senior business people are allowing child abuse, money laundering and corruption to go on and give certain individuals protection behind their influences and authority. In return favours or donations are handed out to keep things quiet.

I feel that with authority and power one should be trustworthy but  that just does not seem to be the case.

It is all very well if the wrongdoer is of lower rank as their seniors can report, discipline and gather information and evidence but when the tables are turned doors close and ranks draw together and evidence is lost or changed. Money has a long reach and massive incentives for the greedy and less honest are a temptation too hard to resist.

But we should resist. We should stand up these vile abusers of trust and position. We should be increasing the protection and safe-guards  for whistleblowers. Its should be easier to report things.

However, I am convinced that greed, immorality, deviency, corruption and bullying are they very tools one needs to climb the greasy pole of success to be able to rise up to command the driving forces of business, capitalism, politics and corporations.

The kind, gentle, law-abiding and thoughtful are stamped on and pushed out of the paths of the ruthless and self-centered high-risers.

Okay, maybe not all but I would bet that most have something to hide.

I have just celebrated my 51st birthday and I still do not have a darn clue at what career choice I should have or should take now.

When and how does one even know what to do and who helps them make this mind boggling choice?

There are certain career paths that I get. For example; training to act, sing, play music, paint or play sport but one needs talent and passion to follow these paths. For those who have not been blessed then those doors appear a closed shop. Exploring medicine to help others, learning about law to keep the innocent safe are equally understandable paths to take but yet again on the bright can attain the certificates and degrees to allow them to practice.

I cannot believe anybody chooses to be an accountant, manager, road sweeper or shelf-stacker as a childhood aspiration.

I think many, many citizens around the world feel short changed and disillusioned in what they end up having to do to pay the bills and survive.

When I hear about some people working into their 90s or at least early 70s I sit back and frown and pour out words of sympathy as I am aghast at someone being forced to work beyond retirement to make ends meet. But it appears some do it through choice as they love their job. What? Are they mad? No, apparently not.

So then I turn to accommodating this information by making remarks of a boring home life, no hobbies or a lack of imagination. However, it turns out that these special types actually do their hobbies or interests as a job of work. That must be so cool. Waking up each morning and being happy its another day at the grind stone.

Most of us dread the wake up alarm, the trawl to the office and the crushing emotions of being treated as a number rather than a person. Days off are longed for and excuses used up so often that books have been written about them to amuse  the masses and give away information to bosses.

I wonder just how much of a percentage of the world’s population is truly happy in work, their toil and how they made or knew it was a career path of happy choice?

What makes a person like myself so flakey? Why haven’t I ever been able to have an inspiration let alone an education towards something I could enjoy? I’m not saying that I am wallowing in self pity and the bottom of a deep dark hole but being a postman is hardly living on the edge of success. It just about covers the day to day bills and a few comforts but it most definitely does not cover anything flashy or slightly above average.

I am confident that money doesn’t buy happiness its how one uses what they have. What I am not sure about though is what voices tell someone that this or that choice will be happy and fulfilling.

My guess and conclusions after writing this are that some are lucky, get to be in a right place at the key time, are given the correct advice or just have that inner voice persuading them to take the more advantageous path. Others just keep making mistakes or are kept down or back by others.

This isn’t a rant or a jealous green-eyed monster’s point of view. I only wanted to find out if others think this way. So good luck to the savvy and happy-in-work folk out there and to those not in that position take solace in the breaks, days off and the fact that, I for one, shall be doing the same thing.

I do love my friends and family. My little dog makes me feel warm and emotional. I have somewhere to live and comestibles spilling out of my cupboards. So a bit of hardship is fine.

If “The Three Wishes Thing” was an actual rather than a pipe-dream  then mine would certainly have been a choice of career I would have really enjoyed with a comfortable income. The other two wishes have already been granted. Friends and love, tick. A great education some at school, a lot in self tuition, tick.

“Two out three ain’t bad”. I imagine a song here..

Like many I do dabble at using the Internet to search facts, shop online, communicate with friends and keep up with the news. All done from a small laptop, phone or tablet from the comfort of my own home.

Now this is not a breaking-news story and very few will find anything astonishing about what I do. Well not until one stops to think.

Anyone under the age of 25 probably won’t or can’t imagine what life was like.

When I was a child and young adult we didn’t have mobile anything except a small transistor radio so today’s freedoms are a far cry from those historic days.

Being able to find out “stuff” at the stroke of a few keys is amazing but it has made us a bit lazy.

The other thing is that how much do we use of modern technology? We are told that the internet has the answer to every question but how much is made up and how much is actual fact? Anyway an answer is only as profound and informative as the question asked.

So we sit at our computers, tablets and phones and are told that they can do this, that and the other. All those features and I bet that the average Bod doesn’t even know how or where to find them let alone use them. As for the internet; maybe a bit of shopping, listening to music, watching a couple of video clips, storing photos, e-mailing, social media posts and the odd fact being looked up is what the most of us use the powerful machines for. Its a bit like having a top end sports car and driving once a week to the shops and never getting out of second gear or buying all the climbing equipment to scale Everest and just walk up a hill and returning home and not even opening the backback whilst out.

Prior to the modern day ways we had to listen at school, ask others, read a book or become a member of the local library. It took time to research and learn. No copy and paste back then. Okay, a photo copier could be used but on the whole a pen and paper was the only way of making notes and saving information.

To send that information took an age. Now its beamed anywhere at the blink of an eye.

News papers were a common sight and it took time for articles to trickle around society. Something that happens and as it is happening can now be seen around the world in seconds. However, reading these snippets online is no substitute for chatting it out with others and if it was fun or sad then one could laugh or support each other rather that sit alone in a virtual world and be consumed in guilt and depression.

So much of the technology is wasted but on the hand many books and articles went unread by the masses years ago so I guess things haven’t changed much. What has changed is the way we use or don’t use.

Certainly, finding new music was more fun and waiting for news stories to be printed made things more exciting but on the whole the internet is whatever you want, whenever you want it and how much of it you want.

Are we better off? Thats a question only the person answering can be honest about as for some the reply will be no and for others yes.

Yes its that time again when I have been thinking, reading and listening to ideals, moans and opinions. Many would say that I am wasting my time but I do like to spin these thoughts round my little brain and then put forward a take on those thoughts.

Well I have been listening to all the moanings about the young living beyond their means, households struggling to pay bills, too many loans, carsbeing bought on finance and spending on credit cards and only being able to repay the interest.

I have also seen quite a few articles about people living off grid, well within their means and foregoing on material trappings. Time and happiness are far more important commodities than modern day crap or earning vast wealth.

So there we have the basis for a very good debate. Things versus Life.

First off, if everyone lived within their means then credit companies would go bust overnight. Banks would suffer.

Okay not so bad.

So what happens when one goes back to the times when making do and mending were a common attitude? One doesn’t take up the latest mobile phone, the must have designer clothes or the even bigger television. Laptops remain on the shop shelves, the brand new registered cars sit in the factories or in fields gathering dust. People only buy what is essential. That sounds sensible no?

But just stop and think about it……….

Manufacturing slows down, travel declines, money remains in piggy banks for longer and demand drops. So then does the number of jobs and working people. Taxes increase to pay for the unemployed. Even less money about.

The economies would grind to a halt in a short period of time before things could be sorted out.

Now you and I know that this will never happen because people are fundamentally greedy, competitive and selfish.

we couldn’t all go off grid. The resources wouldn’t allow it as there would be too little produced naturally to go round. Fights would increase as one person steals anothers and so on.

Our whole being relies on folk that do and folk the use.

However, just take a look around yourself now. How much is surplus to requirement? How much could you give away and not miss? How much is pure rubbish? How much is repeated in a subtle way? Just in this one room of mine I could dispose of fifty percent on the things or more and I guess I would not know they were gone.

A question was posed the other day. “Would you prefer a Fifty Percent pay rise or a reduction in work by Fifty Percent?”

It probably depends at which end of the pay/work scale you are but I think most would be happy with the latter as a pay rise without time to enjoy the larger income is a bit pointless. Whereas more time could result in slightly less stress and more happiness or two better jobs.

Well the main points I can see from this situation are that debt, buying things, competition and keeping up to date is good for the economies, fat-cat bosses and technology giants but bad for the everyday man on the street but if it ceased to happen I feel the results would be far worse.

So Mr, Banker, Boss, Industry Mogul and Government Chief you should be thanking the masses who keep you in the wealth you have become accustomed to.

As for the off grid crowd. They can live in peace and harmony so long as it doesn’t encroach on the mighty’s estate.

I hear quite a lot of statements about The World getting smaller or appearing to be smaller. I don’t mean in it’s physical sense but due to the fact that most areas can be accessed quite easily with modern transport. But this got me thinking yet again about how things appear today for me.

When I was much younger I would have no problem travelling anywhere unless I couldn’t afford to or there wasn’t someone to hitch a ride with. Time, responsibilities and danger were things that held no problem.

The World seemed vast in its unknown mysteries but small as travel was easy.

Today I see these roles reversed.

The internet has given rise to information about anything, anywhere and anyone instantly and one can experience the sights and wonders at a click of a button. Others do the travelling so others can live and share their experiences together at home.

Travel today is full of problems. Progress is hindered on the roads as they are so over-crowded and one is held up even more by roadworks, accidents and traffic calming. Once an airport or ferry port is reached then there are the checks, delays, extra costs and the ever-present fear of attack from terror. I don’t think I could bear the constant waiting, queuing, questions and boredom that I (maybe falsely, as I do very little now and my imagination runs wild) have come to associate with travel.

I loath having to make a journey of 40-50 miles and shudder at the possibility of entering a strange city or town.

Certain circumstances like owning a home with all the trappings of expense that come with that and the responsibility of having to work full-time to pay for it doesn’t help and being a pet guardian has its drawbacks too. But its not just that. I can’t be arsed with it any more.

If it wasn’t for a brilliant friend organising some travel and accommodation plans for a couple of weeks time then I could hardly see myself venturing down to London for a party and its only an hour or so away. My nerve and excuse mode would have kicked in and I most likely would have stayed away. As it is I am still nervous of the hustle and bustle of the vast City and all the problems that come with this huge package.

I am comfortable at home and around the familiar landmarks of the area. So for me The World has become a massive place physically but has shrunk in the virtual due to all the portals available to use as a window of learning.

Age and experience do funny things it appears.

I love birthdays in all shapes and form so long as they are not my own.

There is something quite magical about the day that a person was born and the subsequent celebrations to mark that day.

I find the art of giving and seeing another happy such a fulfilling experience and it just makes me happy.

I am lucky to have friends and family that I can share the moment with and I love trying to hunt down a fitting gift, card and sentiment to suit their individual personalities. Its doesn’t have to be expensive, new or practical but it must show thought, aptness and humour.

I think the best part is to see someone’s expression on opening a gift or reading the words in a card. It is most wonderful to phrase and individually create the right message for the person intended. Thats what makes things special.

However, when it comes to my birthday, I find it all too embarrassing and awkward. Its the realisation that yet another year has passed and little has changed. The build up of emotions seem to scrunch up into a paper bag and find their way in life’s big dustbin. I do not mean to be ungrateful, unkind, selfish or emotionless; I just find it too, well too pants.

Take for example a meal. The excitement of combining ingredients, following a recipe and awaiting the final concoction is fantastic and then in just a few moments that very creation is devoured and lost to a fat ungrateful belly. Its all a bit underwhelming and seemingly wasteful. To do it for someone else’s pleasure is fun, beautiful and so rewarding but to receive it just doesn’t seem fair. Why should anyone want to spend time or money on me? I understand why, don’t get me wrong, but I do have trouble accepting it.

Selfish? Yeah maybe but I much prefer to give than to receive.  It is something I will just have to work at to resolve.

If I have come across a bit maudlin I honestly didn’t mean it to be and it is certainly no reflection of being depressed. Far from it. I couldn’t be happier at present as I have quite a few family and friends with birthdays around this time of the year and I love the thrill of thinking that in some little way I have made lives a bit happier and fuller.

Thats it really in a nut shell. I love happy.

Job for life? Not any more. One would be lucky to find a full-time position today. Zero hour contracts, part-time work (but not allowed to be employed elsewhere as you are needed to be flexible), agency work,and temporary work is becoming the normality in present day life.

Job security is something of the past and life has become one big worry and fight.

Ever since Globalisation and Capitolism have been allowed to go unchecked and grow life has become grim for the majority of hard working citizens around the world.

Yes, some have benefited but at the cost of the vast numbers of crushed employees. These fat-cats have seen their wealth grown by huge margins and they justify it by saying “Its a world market” or “We are being competitive with others round the world”.

I say “Bullshit!” These selfish, arrogant, low-life cheats corrupt nations and the basis of human foundations to the core like the drug barons and their cartels. They set their own agendas and salaries and who pays? The staff who do the work, that’s who and their thanks and reward is more work, less pay, dwindling pensions and the threat of the sack through bullying and harassment dressed up as efficiency drives and structural changes.

“Need more profit for the shareholders and Bosses? Mmmm lets see. Oh yeah; cut staff levels to below minimum, slash pay rates, slim down pensions, stop full-time hours to lessen sick pay and holiday pay and eek out every second and more to raise the funds. That will work.”

Threaten, cheat, lie and bully and one can become a perfect Boss. Eradicate any sense of conscience, hide away in expensive office suites and home, belittle the plebs and self-indulge in trying to find new ways of wasting their excess wealth and the new Leader will emerge from the earth and lord it over the world like a God.

The rest of the population is left to fight over the crumbs and pretend they are happy and worth something whereas in reality we are treated no better than animals on a farm or in a zoo; maybe worse than that as at least the animals have an intrinsic value in the form of money making.

In my mind the balance of praise and happiness in the work place has swung too far to the side of pressure and hardship but the very people in charge who can change this seem blind to the fact that this is damaging business.

I am all for a hard days graft and a challenge but the roles need to be achievable and realistic. A happy and contented employee will give more time and loyalty than a disgruntled one. I can’t be so naive that this isn’t sound thinking but maybe I am.

We are slowly sliding back to the days of Victorian ways which our forefathers fought so hard to change and I fear there is worse to come before the machine finally breaks.

I raise my hat to all who are suffering and labouring under the oppression of the modern day corporation and also to all those who like and enjoy their toil.

I am one of the lucky ones as I do have a job and some sense of security in the home that I live in but I do find it increasingly challenging to carry on, but life would be far worse without the position and pay-cheque.

However, to the few absurdly paid idiots, who drive the world’s business and politics, I say shame on you and let judgement be vested on you.

Many will remember Tom and Barbara from Surbitan and their venture into self- suffiency. Most of the time life appeared to balance out fairly with the freedom of being out of the rat-race.

This got me to thinking. Imagine if vast swathes of the population chose to make this life a reality. Solar energy to drive the home, compost toilets, home grown fruit and veg along with home reared animals, water collected and saved and clothes made by one’s own hands. It sounds idyllic and easy. No boss to tell you what to do and when to do it. No ridiculous journeys to work or to the shops. Sitting around fires chatting and playing music. Oh yes I am sold on that ideal.

However, it leaves many a question and a plethora of problems.

Society would soon break down. Industry would grind to a halt and vast gaps in tax collection would develop causing untold problems. Laws and enforcement would crumble and education would suffer an appalling  decline. That is my view but would things really pan out like that? I mean if we all became dependent on ourselves and our families needs then, surely, we could cope and survive?

Well I don’t think so.

It would be fine if we all had the same and aspired the mirror image of our fellow humans but that just isn’t the case. Bigger tomatoes or a larger crop of potatoes would ensure envy to rise and thus confrontation, theft or damage. Greed would give rise to one wanting more than everyone else and the weak would fall behind in every field.

Its one thing to read about a couple going off-piste or living apart from the national grid and the stories are quaint and cool to  hear about but that is where the line is drawn. For most it would be a living nightmare as we crave social criteria and rules. It generates stability and routine and one person’s strength will benefit another’s weakness.

My main concern is that general life for the common person is becoming dangerously difficult as the standard of living is rising but renumeration is stagnating or going down so one is forced to live beyond their needs.

Its fine for the small percentage who receive seven figure salaries or inherit vast wealth as they are so removed from the real world that hardship seldom visits their homes. Being so detached from everyday life and society leaves these souls with little of no understanding of the struggles and problems faced by the numerous “unwashed” hard workers.

Getting away from this is an aspiration many would like to see become a reality but can’t realise due to fear and uncertainty.

For most we have become slaves to home comforts and technology and the thought of giving that up is abhorrent.

So work it is to pay taxes and to live in a small box and drudge around the hamster wheel of life unless the win of a life time lands on my doorstep.